Eugene: Apathetic. Everything's so stupid and boring.
Author: A little harsh, but it's an answer I guess. Anyways, I've heard that you recently visited Bristole. What is it like? Why did you go there in the first place?
Eugene: It's full of rich people. Obnoxious, holier-than-thou rich people whose shoes are always polished. I went there with my siblings, my Uncle and some old guy because we had to pass through there on our way to the Woodland.
Author: I see. What do you think of your siblings?
Eugene: Dull and boring. They're always playing some stupid game that I don't want to play. And my older brother Shurlock is kind of dumb and half-witted if you ask me.
Author: Why do you think that about him?
Eugene: He just is. Then there's Charlotte, and she's just plain gullible. Lynette is an idiot just like Shurlock.
Author: Well...do you ever express these...um...spiteful feelings around them?
Eugene: Yeah. But they don't care.
Author: Interesting. What about your parents?
Eugene: They're helpful sometimes, though they can be annoying and doltish.
Author: Not trying to be... *cough* ...rude or anything, but do you ever think that they may think the same about you? I mean, you're a little...never mind.
Eugene: They're too nice to call me a moron or whatever. I'm not a moron, anyway.
Author: All right... Off the subject of family. Do you have a favorite food? Color? Drink?
Eugene: I like apple pie, my favorite color is green and when we have it I love sparkling cider.
Author: Do you have any ambitions?
Eugene: No. I'm twelve.
Author: Usually twelve-year-olds have ambitions, but I guess that doesn't matter. If you could have one thing in the entire world, what would it be?
Eugene: A place that only I knew about, in the middle of a forest, where no one could find me - maybe inside a giant, hollow tree. I'd be the king, and I would have a bunch of gnomes as my servants to fetch me truffles and cider whenever I told them to. Then I could build an army or something to go and capture my siblings so that I could throw them in my dungeons.
Author: Sounds cool. Random question time! What was your most embarrassing moment?
Eugene: Why would I answer that? I'm not stupid.
Author: Because I have truffles and pie and cider...
Eugene: *sighs* One time when some family friends were over - I don't really like them at all - I was climbing a tree, but my pants got caught on a branch. I fell backwards and my pants were torn off. Thankfully those 'friends' weren't over there, but I had to sneak past them and my siblings on my way back to the house. I got past my parents too. No one saw me, but it was kind of embarrassing.
Author: *straightens* *clears voice* I see. Well, that's the end of this interview. *whispers to Eugene* I'll show you the kitchen later... *looks at the camera* Goodbye, folks! Stay tuned for stuff.
~CNGoodhue (this post is unedited)